Toby continues to try to understand Hollywood, and for once, he may not be completely wrong…
(Editor’s note: There’s a rumor that Alex Lancaster, the founder/Editor in Chief/Lead Writer for Poor Man’s Spoiler, secretly has a Quasimodo-esque love child he keeps hidden away in some basement. This has never been proven, but if true, said child would likely have an opinion on films and entertainment. “Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” and all that. Today we bring you an article by Toby. We apologize.)
1. Harry Potter/Fantastic Beasts
- More like fantastic jumps in necessity and where to find JK Rowling’s new pool payment. The world just keeps getting smaller and smaller and the wonder goes with it. I won’t be surprised if there’s a spinoff of Hagrid sitting by a yule log as the fan base is too willing to throw money at anything with their house on it.
2. Star Wars
- These spinoffs are just getting ridiculous. I know they already put themselves on a hold of sort, but the last movie was so bad that I just have to point out the need for them to have placed themselves there to begin with. This movie didn’t even feel like Star Wars. I really hope Kennedy gets her shit together.
3. Fast and Furious
- Have you ever wondered what it would be like to watch a Transformers movie where they never transform?
- Have you ever wondered what the future of the Fast and Furious movies are? Just have Vin Diesel yell, “Superman!” and you have yourself a movie.
- At this point, the only thing alien is it actually being worth watching.
6. Black Mirror
- This show makes no sense and the episodes have little to nothing to do with each other. It just feels like Netflix is saying, “Hey look who we can get to be in an episode of arbitrary nonsense; fuck you, pay me your monthly fee!”
- It’s not even just a western world anymore and it keeps giving skynet ideas, speaking of-
- I wish John Connor would go back and time and convince producers to stop trying after T2.
9. The Walking Dead
- It could already be over, I honestly have no idea, this series has been walking despite being dead for years. Are people still watching for the two episodes worth it per year?
10. Bojack Horseman
- If I want to watch a large ass continue to make bad decisions and leave you feeling sad on an existential void, I’d visit Eric more often.
Written by Toby
(Toby is not a real person. This is a parody. A farce. A satirical piece. Do not take anything in this article seriously. It is written and created for entertainment purposes only, and honestly shouldn’t be read by anyone. Except as a means of torture. I mean, unless you’re into that thing. We don’t judge.)